Hypocrite or flawed? A coach’s perspective
I’m not in the habit of defending Russell Brand – but something struck me after becoming involved in a discussion about Brand’s current activism.
To me Brand highlights an interesting point about development, namely the difference between being labelled a hypocrite and being considered flawed. In the discussion I was involved in, people saw Brand as either one or the other.
Here I examine ‘hypocrite vs flawed’ in the context of coaching. Some of my clients might consider themselves hypocritical, faced with the dilemma of having to say one thing and do another. This can add the weight of guilt and self-judgment to the already difficult route to progress. Like all dilemmas the coach’s job is to help break this down to reveal true understanding.
Thinking yourself as ‘flawed’ widens the possibilities of development.
Dr Steve Peters, in his book: ‘The Chimp Paradox’, deals this issue simply and eloquently. He suggests changing the word in a sentence from ‘should’ to ‘could’. For example: ‘I should be on time for every appointment’ becomes: ‘I could be on time for every appointment’. In this way you can separate those things you can influence from those you can’t. Consequently, you can create the space to examine practical solutions for bringing things more under control, and the psychological tools for when and where there is little or no room for manoeuvre.
It also allows you to be late without feeling you’re being a hypocrite!
More importantly, it creates a template for understanding progress and process, with where and how mistakes can be made and understood, along the way. Some of the best support I’ve given coachees is to help then feel that mistakes are allowed.
To take it one step further, the term ‘flawed’ might still be too judgmental; we can only seek to do our best at any point in time and in any situation.
Everyone faces their own developmental journey. Russell Brand is no different in that, and there are many people out there who are knowingly hypocritical.
But putting yourself in a ‘judgmental straitjacket’ at the start of the journey could be the greatest impediment to personal development.
I like the idea of replacing should with could.